My dear Readers:
My editor has just passed my office and suggested I spend some time on another activity for a while — like writing my column. I told him I was working on it: doing some research. You see, the subject for this piece is The Art of Napping. (If he can write on subjects where he has expertise, so can I!)
I firmly believe that the art of napping is a lost art in America north of the Rio Grande. Europeans and Latin Americans can teach us much about napping. The siesta, the catnap, the schl�fchen, is a major part of the daily routine in many of these nations who set aside a particular time of the day for the practice. Some large Japanese businesses even maintain nap rooms for their employees. But not here in the U.S. and Canada. We frown upon the practice as a time-waster, not compatible with the work ethic. Or are Americans really afraid of the nap and its practitioners?
I have been practising the Art of Napping since I was a newborn so I have a lot of experience — over half a century at last count. I was a kid napper until my teens when I truly began to perfect the art. I can proudly proclaim I am a napper. I am a connoisseur of napping. I have napped in cars and buses, planes and trains, on couches, chairs, floors, beaches and benches, in bathtubs, on floating air mattresses and once on a very lovely...— well, never mind. I have napped at my desk — although never under it. I have napped on picnic tables and in a dark board room during a meeting. I have napped while talking, but not yet to the degree attained by one of my professors who napped during his own lectures! Why, I have even napped in bed! The only form of napping I have not yet mastered is the fifth degree, black blanket technique of standing napping. I still study the technique and may yet reach the pinnacle.
During university days I minored in napping which proved invaluable several years later when I found myself commuting by bus where I perfected my art. After eleven years of bus napping I could awaken myself at exactly the same place on the road each day! And I could avoid dropping my book to the floor — a distinct advantage in winter when melting slush from boots covers most of the footspace. I have also personally perfected the ability to nap in the bathtub while reading and not get the book wet. (Sure, I dropped a few while learning the technique, but none went under for long.)
I have recently been happy to hear that the Trends Research Institute now considers a nap part of a daily fitness routine and a growing trend in the U.S. Ahh yes, I am always the trend setter. I recommend a good 30-minutes nap at least three or four times a week. Such regular napping will make you healthy and wise...and more productive to boot! I have heard that the gods do not subtract nap time from one's allotted life.
A good nap is for me the most enjoyable end to a good workout session and, for many years, part of my regular fitness routine after a run. Once after a particularly long summer sojourn, I lay down on the ledge of our front porch and napped for a good hour without falling into the bushes below. That takes great mental and physical control! Techniques learned from the Masters.
Note, however, that nappers never sleep. On the contrary (and I can be quite contrary when I miss my nap), there is a difference, oh gentle reader. You see, sleepers usually take time to prepare for their event and remain in the practice for longer, unbroken stretches. Sleepers are long-distance practitioners, even marathoners. Nappers, on the other hand, are sprinters only, occasionally extending into the middle-distance events.
Nappers usually get into position and then....off they go — not drifting off like a sleeper but rapidly dropping into a deep nap state. The best can go into nap mode instantly and spontaneously no matter what they may be doing. I worked with a nap master many years ago who could drop off with his felt-tipped pen to paper and awaken at anyone's approach without leaving a distinguishing mark as evidence of his napping.
When a good napper returns from napland (not Lapland where the daylength through the year can play havoc with nappers), he/she is refreshed and ready to start embracing life again. Such naps can be completed in mere minutes by the master. Napping by the masters is the only known form of time travel: albeit only forward and for jumps of less than an hour. Sure unbelievers scoff, but this is more real than any yoga levitators or out-of-body sleep travellers.
Scientific studies have shown that if a person is removed from cycles of daylight and night, clocks and restricting schedules, a free-running body will sink into the nap state regularly each afternoon. Further studies show that 30 minutes of napping each afternoon can make you a better person. Napping after the midday meal appears to be the most preferred time although I find the hour from 4:30 to 5:30 optimum. However, this may be due to my years of practice napping after school and on the bus commuting from work.
The Chinese martial arts pattern many of their fighting techniques after animals such as the tiger or crane. Master nappers learn technique from the cat and dog. If you share residence with one, study your pet to learn the nap art. Watch how they nap: curled up in a ball, paw over nose in cold weather; stretched out with a paw over their eyes; wedged into a pillow or blanket. If you can convince a cat to become your sansei, it may lie on you and guide you into the nap state. I had a siamese sansei for many years who would curl up on my body only when I was about to enter the nap state, shunning me if I only lay down to watch TV.
If you have trouble initially learning the art, there are many good recordings which can help you drift off. Many tout television as a good device for stimulating napping because it lowers body energy further than most other media. The PBS program Nature is one that does that for me. It is not that the content is boring, on the contrary. It is just that host George Page has such a soothing voice! But once you have attained an intermediate napper level, you will find such aids only necessary on occasion. (Mostly as excuses to give those anti-nappers as to why you fell asleep. They cannot condone napping, but some will allow boredom as an acceptable excuse for falling asleep.)
The time has come for nappers to come out of the closet — where it is usually too uncomfortable anyway — and reclaim our God-given right to nap! Remember those halcyon days in pre-school and kindergarten when naps were mandatory! Why do the same adults now raise their eyebrows, roll their eyes, tisk softly when you as an adult mention the word nap?
According to the World Nap Organization, it is time for all nappers to: openly proclaim we are nap takers (we do not admit, confess or otherwise apologize for our napping persuasion); disregard the disapproval of opponents of napping; educate ourselves and others on the positive aspects of napping; and collaborate on original research in napping.
Remember Dagwood Bumstead! If you need proof concerning the benefits of napping, consider that he is 70-plus years old and does not look a day over 35!
Here comes my editor again. Have I completed my allotted word count? Good! Maybe now I can return to my previous activity. To nap, to snooze, to doze, perchance to dream.
Your still drowsy servant,
p. Keith, PbH